Huerfano Hair
by Carol Dunn
HUERFANO– If perfectly coiffed hair is important to you, you may want to reconsider moving to Huerfano County. And if you are fortunate enough to visit during the ten days a year the wind doesn’t blow, then count your lucky stars. There is no check-box on the real estate disclosure form for “windy.” Would any of us have paid attention to it anyway? Probably not, because you’d be thinking, “Oh for pity sakes, how windy could it get?”
When I moved here my hair was at least not embarrassing. Nowadays, I have Huerfano Hair. Huerfano Hair does itself. You wash it, and it decides what it’s going to look like today. Usually that look is not something you would choose to be seen with in public, but it’s not your choice anymore. Oh sure, you can fight it. You can use gel and mousse and hairspray, but it will end up looking worse than if you just said, “OK, whatever.” Don’t work on it too hard, because the wind will just whip it to shreds and deposit a quarter-inch of dust on your scalp the moment you go outside.
The wind is not the only element working against hair in Huerfano County. We also have the lowest humidity of anyplace besides Mars. Without moisture, hair basically turns into fiberglass insulation. Then there is the sun. The sun makes things hot and dries them out. This is great if you are collecting starfish and old cars, but not so good for hair. The combination is like having Manny Ramirez batting against Wimpy in a Popeye cartoon. The “wind-sun-dry” combination is Manny, and your hair is Wimpy. You don’t stand a chance.
Don’t bother looking in the mirror to see what you look like when you are out on the town. You don’t want to know. But one nice thing about Huerfano County is that we’re all in the same boat. I have NEVER heard anyone make fun of anyone else’s hair. It’s kind of an unspoken rule around here. Boots, bolo ties, and beards are all fair game – but not our beleaguered hair. Even kids in Junior High, who can manage to make fun of things like the way someone carries a carton of milk, will not venture into hair-wars.
If by accident you manage to make your hair look good, you might as well stay home. Once you leave the safety of your house, you will have rain, snow, sleet, hail or adobe bugs to ruin it. Oh yes, adobe bugs will crawl into your hair, and they will crawl out again at a very inopportune time – like when you are having dinner with someone and one crawls onto your glasses. You have an excuse though, and it works every time: It’s not my fault, it’s my Huerfano Hair.
