by Carol Dunn
I’ve read a plethora of articles and ads the past few months about what various candidates are going to do for us and to us and around us, but frankly I have not seen anything about how any of these candidates are going to address an emergency that faces many of us in Huerfano County each day of our lives. That is the overwhelming proliferation of adobe bugs (aka. Western box elder beetles) around, under, over and inside our homes. Somehow these Halloween-hued creatures can find a way into the most airtight structure and take up residence in such objectionable places as bathtubs, closets, refrigerators, beds, under toilet seats and on toothbrushes. They flush well, most of the time. But they don’t flush every time. So beware when you take your seat on the potty.
Someone once told me adobe bugs only eat box elder seeds. I beg to differ. We have been appalled to find adobe bugs in our house in February, and we know they didn’t weasel their way in through the front door in the middle of winter. That leaves one to ask, “What have they been eating to survive that long indoors?” Carpet? Dust mites? One can only come to the macabre conclusion that they are eating each other, which we really don’t find distasteful (sorry for the pun). Fact is, they don’t eat each other fast enough for our satisfaction. And since nothing else will eat them, it’s almost justice. We threw a handful of them to the chickens once, and the chickens ran away.
I’ve heard adobe bugs referred to as Rocky Mountain roaches. Having lived in Florida, the roach capital of the United States, I can attest that roaches are rather shy, only cavorting at night and considerately hiding their little poopies under refrigerators and in places where they can be swept up when you move. Adobe bugs, on the other hand, just squirt their excrement wherever and whenever they please, and especially when tampered with. If you pick one up, it will blast you with a projectile emission you will not soon forget. One squirted me in the FACE once from TWO FEET AWAY.
I am proposing that Huerfano County establish a new department to deal with this dilemma: the Adobe Bug Protection District (ABPD). I can’t think of too many people who would not be in favor of this. The ABPD could employ a cadre of professionals and equip them with such necessary items as sprayers filled with soapy water, vacuum cleaners, box turtles, pressure washers, flame throwers and other appropriate treatment equipment. Scott, Roger, Art, what do you think?