Despite This We Stay for March 8, 2012

Aliens among us
by Carol Dunn
HUERFANO/BETELGEUSE SYSTEM — Loyal reader Vic from Thornton has brought something to my attention that I am hesitant to make public, but feel it is my civic duty to do so. Vic recently sent me a copy of a photograph from a local Huerfano realtor’s website which shows a saucer-shaped anomaly if the gap between the Spanish Peaks. I could hardly believe my eyes, but there it was, and suddenly a lot of things around here made more sense.
According to Vic, who has put a fair amount of time into researching this, there is a space portal between the Spanish Peaks. Don’t bother looking now, because you can’t see it just anytime. Matter of fact, I went on the web site and I didn’t see anything. It probably opens and closes, like a rip in the time-space continuum. Sometimes it’s there and sometimes it isn’t. Which explains why sometimes everything around here is zany, and sometimes it’s almost normal (if you’re wondering when that is, you were probably on vacation and missed it).
And don’t try to convince me that anomaly was a cloud. It looks exactly like a contact lens that fell on the floor – you know, before you stick it in your mouth to clean it off – and besides, clouds aren’t shaped like that. They’re more squishy looking.
Obviously, the portal allows aliens to enter and leave Huerfano County at will. And while they are here, they just mess everything up. They probably DELIGHT in it. “Greeeeg schloo woop woop luuffee uuuug!…” [translation: “Hey, let’s slip on over to Huerfano and mess with those earth beings for a couple days.”] And dare I speculate that they are TEENAGE aliens? They probably sneak in at night and have a ball – unbeknownst to their parents, who would kick their behinds if they knew. They evidently make cars rust faster; they make the wind blow harder; they cause dogs to eat a wide variety of things that make them throw up; they incite flocks of geese to fly the wrong way; they release radiation that causes people to say PEE-eblo. Folks, THIS is why there are so many things to write about in “Despite This We Stay.” I’ve been working at it for three years, and I still haven’t run out of material. Now we find that it really has nothing to do with you and me – and deep down inside we all HOPED that, didn’t we?
Frankly, I feel much better knowing it’s not just me. And now, I’m building a garage and REALLY staying – just to prove to these alien interlopers that we can’t be scared off that easily. I’m waiting around to see what else they throw at us. Come on aliens, is THAT the best you can do??