Deep Fried Twinkies
by Carol Dunn
LA VETA- If there’s anywhere in this country where a person should be able to feel safe from mega-fat and massive-calorie junk food, one would think La Veta would be it. After all, the chamber of commerce bills this as a refreshing small town quality of life combined with sophistication. So, needless to say, members of the Deep Fried Twinkie Protection Program were horrified during Oktoberfest to see, among the immensely enticing food posters on the Three Little PIGS foodmobile, several photos of items in the Coronary Disease Special group, deep fried Twinkies among them. There were also deep fried candy bars, deep fried Oreo cookies, and deep fried cheese. How did these foods, which should already require a health warning, make their way into deep fried culture? Did someone wake up one day and say, “You know Marion, what we really need in this world is a faster way to clog our arteries.” You can almost see the grease sliding off the page while you’re reading this.
I asked people who were standing in line what they thought about deep fried Twinkies. Even little kids, who are well known for their love of mega-fat and massive-calorie junk food, could not look at the posters without turning a little green. There was not one person who said, “Oh YUM, hot greasy Twinkies!” Ok, so some of them were standing in line for funnel cakes. But funnel cakes can’t be as dangerous as deep fried Twinkies, since they are more like doughnuts that blew up in the deep fryer.
For someone thinking they would like to try this treat in the privacy of their own home, mostly so their sophisticated friends and neighbors will never know about their foodly indiscretion, I looked up the recipe on the Internet. If this doesn’t prove there is a recipe for every combination of sugar, fat and chemicals known to humanity, I don’t know what does. First the Twinkie is frozen, then impaled on a stick, dipped in batter, deep fried, and to add some extra calories, can be dipped in a sugary berry sauce. This is the basic transformation of 25-cent trash food into $4 gut ache.
If anyone had the stomach to try one of these concoctions at Oktoberfest, please come forward and tell the rest of us what it was like. The Journal can withhold your name so your reputation as a clean living Huerfano can remain intact.