Aggressive and elusive
HUERFANO — There are millions of residents in Huerfano County that are continually trying to drive us out. You know who they are, although you may hardly ever see them. In fact, there are some who believe these elusive creatures can make themselves invisible. You’ve suffered through their attempts to disable your vehicles by chewing through the wiring. You’ve found their nests in your engine compartment. You’ve come close to asphyxiating after they stuffed dry grass in your tailpipe. It’s all part of their heinous plan to drive humans out of the area so they can have it all to themselves. [Although, it’s possible they haven’t thought this plan through very well, since what would they eat without our gourmet food, trash and wiring harnesses to binge on?] Of course I’m talking about Mus musculus: a small mammal of the order Rodentia, with a pointed snout; small, rounded, velvety ears; body-length scaly tail; which are very good at math (a high rate of multiplication). It’s the mouse. Oh sure, mice look all cute and innocent. But behind those
beady eyes resides the well-honed, albeit small, brain of a survivor. Matter of fact, the very word musculus implies that they are much stronger than they first appear. Maybe the rigors of surviving here have turned them into a super-race of mice. The next step would naturally be to organize, rise up and get rid of us humans once and for all. I’ve just received word from a person who moved here in November that these aggressive and elusive creatures have stepped up their campaign with an all-out mouse war. He told me, “I have never had this problem ever in my life till I moved to Huerfano County.” The Huerfano mice are getting braver, and apparently they have begun boozing. We know this because this new Huerfano neighbor put his beer stash inside his gas grill for safe keeping and the little boozers got into it and chewed holes in the cans. After apparently drinking their fill, they threw a big pajama party in the back seat of the guy’s truck. Talk about adding insult to injury. Folks, these are unusually brazen rodent tactics. Unfortunately for us, our newly aggressive mice are not afraid of traps, screaming, nor the banging of pots and pans. They are oblivious to the dust, ice and wind, because they can make themselves real short and hide when it’s windy – or they can simply wait it out in the engine compartment of your truck. And they don’t give one whit about us and our comfort. Have you ever seen a little mouse sign that says, “I care what you think”…? No. They are going to keep up this vexing campaign until we pack up and leave Huerfano County. Now, at first glance, a normal person would think this isn’t such a bad deal. We get away from the aggressive and elusive mice, and we get away from Huerfano at the same time. But, we’re not normal around here, are we? Well ok, I’m not normal, anyway. So for the Huerfano mice that are reading this – be warned: Despite this we will STAY.