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Despite This we stay- August 20, 2009

Ants

by Carol Dunn

HUERFANO- You have to admit, we have some of the meanest ants on the planet here in Huerfano County.  Ants with an attitude.  In Pennsylvania, we had black & red ants, and we loved to poke their hills with sticks when we were kids.  They would get madder than, well, than a nest of mad ants.  Sooner or later, someone would get bitten, which hurt a little, then we’d run off and pester someone’s older brother for a while.  As a college student, I lived in Florida for a few years, where I encountered southern “fire ants,” scrappy little rust-colored dudes that seemed to fire poison darts out of their mouths.  Southern fire ant bites feel like bee stings, and they hurt.  But unless you are allergic to them, the pain eventually goes away. 

    They are decrepit sniveling weasels compared to Huerfano County’s fire ants, which I refer to as MYSIT (Makes You Shriek in Terror) ants.  

When you get bitten on the foot by a MYSIT ant, the searing pain shoots into your very soul.  It catches on fire and twists you in pain.  You fall down writhing and screaming – ok, you only do that if you are trying to get sympathy from someone you like.  Then, over the next half hour your entire foot goes numb, sometimes all the way up to your ankle.  You can pretend it gets worse if the sympathetic person is still around.  And it stays numb for hours.  This is nasty nasty ant karma. 

            The worst thing about MYSIT ants is that they just lollygag around acting like they don’t see you, then BLAMMO!  They hit you when you’re not looking.  Don’t think for one minute since their brain is the size of a dust speck that they do not have designs on ruling the world.  Their first order of business is to make all humans numb, then they will organize a march on Washington DC, where most people are already numb.  You may be thinking that this is not fair, but it’s déjà vu all over again.  Remember The Hellstrom Chronicle?    

    In the meantime, until they take over the planet, avoid all ants.  If you purposely step on a MYSIT, the rest of the ant herd knows it, and they will hunt you down while you are sleeping and drag you away into their nest with the oversize hole, like in the Indiana Jones Crystal Skull movie.  Don’t say I didn’t warn you.